


Friends Are My Only Family

by simplykayley



Category: Lethal Weapon (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 03:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14440365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplykayley/pseuds/simplykayley
Summary: After a phone call from his father, the life that Riggs had began to create in L.A. started to fall apart.Requested by Blah.





	Friends Are My Only Family

**Author's Note:**

> I actually really think that Riggs' father is just a lonely old man that's regretting his life choices but for the sake of this story I had to make him the bastard that he probably is because my judge of character is shit. XD

“How hard is it to grasp that I can't want anything to do with you?” Riggs snapped into the phone. His newly released father chuckled without humor. The sound still made his heart stutter like he was a 12 year old boy. 

 

“You're still my boy, you can't get rid of me, no matter how hard you try.” 

 

“Watch me.” Riggs snapped, moving to hang up his phone, but the next thing his father said made him freeze in place with his thumb over the button.

 

“I've heard about that partner of yours, Murtaugh was it? I'd love to meet him someday. You've sure made a lot of friends there in Los Angeles, haven't you Martin?” 

 

Riggs cut off the call before the man could continue. He knew what he was doing, telling him exactly where he could hit to hurt him, threatening the people that he called friends. He stared down at the blocked number on the screen as he tried to keep the phone from falling to the elevator floor. He couldn't remember the last time his hands had shaken so badly. 

 

×•×

 

The paranoia go worse and worse as the weeks went on, especially when the insistent phone calls from his father seemed to stop all of a sudden after their last little chat. Riggs was waiting for something to happen at any moment. Every suspicious car that he had never seen before made him jump with anxiety, every person with tattoos that looked remotely suspicious that looked at him or Rog for longer then  a second made his heart tighten up with unrestrained fear. Bags grew underneath his eyes that sunglasses could barely keep hidden after countless nights of nightmares that he didn't want to go back over. His father was slowly worming his way back into his life and he was too weak to stop him once again. 

 

“Okay, what happened?” Rog finally asked him one day when he had suddenly turned in his desk chair and made Riggs jump sky high after a long night of no sleep. 

 

He put on a perfect smile and moved his hair back out of his face as he began to flip through paperwork on his desk, cursing silently to himself when Rog got up to sit on the edge. “I have no clue what you mean, Rog.  

 

Rog lowered his voice. “I'm not stupid, Riggs. You've been on edge for weeks, you almost shot me because I made a sudden movement, something happened.”

 

The smile dropped off and he huffed in annoyance at his partner. “Nothing happened, Rog. You're always imagining stuff that's not there.” 

 

“Bailey!” Rog called out suddenly, ignoring Riggs as he kicked out at him from underneath the table. “Has Riggs been acting weirder than usual lately?” 

 

The woman in question looked up from her desk with a conflicted expression. “I really don't want to get involved in your guy's stuff.”

 

Rog turned towards him with an expression of triumph. “That was a yes, if you were wondering.”  

 

Something in Riggs’ expression of annoyance must have made him pause and soften. “You know that you can always talk to me man, nothing is off limits. We are partners after all.” 

 

He stared up at him from his chair. The man didn't even know who he was standing in front of. He couldn't even keep his own family out of harm's way while his father was locked up in prison and here he was putting the lives of all his friends in danger because he was lonely and selfish. Their lives weren't even his to put in danger. He could imagine what Rog would really feel like if he found out that his family and his close friends could possibly be in trouble because of him. 

 

“I know, Rog.” He smiled, looking down at desk again in what Rog took as contemplation over the idea. “But there really isn't anything wrong. Pretty boring in fact, you know me.”  

 

×•× 

 

“I want to go back over what you told me about the push pins and paper clips awhile back.” Cahill announced as he threw himself in the seat seat across from her. 

 

Riggs couldn't help the frown that followed. He knew that had been a stupid thing to blurt out as soon as he had said it to her and that she wasn't just going to forget about it. 

 

“I think you're looking a little too deeply into a few papercuts, Cahill.” Didn't mean that he couldn't try to lead her away. 

 

She smiled at his antics but didn't bite. He wanted to snap angrily as fatigue crept behind his eyes. Why did she have to nitpick and review every little thing he ever said? 

 

“Do you often feel the need or desire to harm yourself physically, Riggs?”

 

Jesus.

 

The small, self inflicted wounds that he had begun to collect on his hands and up his wrists throughout the weeks seem to burn accusingly at her question and he itched the inside of his elbow subconsciously, where he knew a scab was hidden underneath his jacket. 

 

Cahill was watching him closely, he almost opened his mouth and sprouted everything out to her. She was his goddamned therapist after all. She dealt with that kind of stuff on the daily. But he also knew what else that meant. She would probably recommend he went on leave for some long reason that could be summed up perfectly with ‘he's probably crazy’, she would probably at least have to tell Avery why as well, and that man could barely keep anything from Roger once he knew something was there and went digging. The mere thought of leaving Rog without a partner made him snap his mouth shut and make up a lie.  

 

“Never. The job does that enough unintentionally.” 

 

×•× 

 

Everything got worse and at that point, it was basically public knowledge. Riggs was only at work and sociable when needed, he no longer politely moved away from the subject of himself but snapped angrily at anyone that even insinuated that something was amiss with him. Rog was almost positive that he had taken up drinking again. But no one even knew what had happened to cause the 10 steps backwards. 

 

Riggs could also see himself worsening as well. The swift paper cuts on the back of his hands turned into long slices on his wrists and upper arms that seemed to show up after nights he could barely remember. Bruises that he was almost afraid to learn about that ranged in colors were scattered in random spots across his body. His green army jacket had barely left his back. It would be sooner rather than later when someone finally caught on to what was wrong with him. It was a building of detectives for God's sake. 

 

Riggs had no idea that this moment had come when Rog invited him over for dinner. 

 

“I don't know, Rog…” He sighed, swinging towards the man in his chair.

 

He shrugged. “It's your own funeral, the woman does know where you live after all. She hasn't seen you in forever and told me to make sure that you come tonight.”

 

They both shared a look and Riggs threw his head back with a sigh but agreed anyway. Trish Murtaugh was not someone that you got off your case and he didn't even want her anywhere near it. 

 

×•× 

 

“Thank you for coming Martin.” Trish said happily as he assisted her with the cleanup. Rog had offered to help but she had refused, most likely to get him alone. 

 

“I couldn't turn away a good invitation.” He smiled politely at her as he followed behind her into the kitchen. 

 

Trish glanced at him and the worry in her expression made his stomach twist. “Rog has been telling me the exact opposite about you, in fact. He has been worried about you. I've been worried about you.” 

 

His eyes rolled up to the ceiling. “Rog doesn't-” 

 

His foot caught on the corner of the island and the bowl in his hand went flying to the ground. Pieces went all over the place and he cursed as he went down to his knees to pick it up. 

 

“Just dropped something, Honey!” Trish called out to Rog and dropped down beside him to help. He began to tell her that she didn't need to but she shushed him and they worked in silence. 

 

“Martin.” 

 

“Yeah?” He answered absentmindedly, picking up ever small piece he saw with his bare hands. 

 

“ _ Martin.” _

 

He looked up at her tone and stared at her in confusion until she followed her eyes to see what had caused the horrified expression. He had pulled his jacket sleeve up when he had bent down to pick up the pieces and he hadn't even realized it. He felt like a complete idiot. 

 

“It's nothing.” He muttered to her as he quickly pulled the sleeves back down over the marks but she wasn't going to let it go.

 

“Oh Martin.” She muttered as she grabbed his wrist and frantically pulled him over to the sink as if he was bleeding out right there, muttering to herself. “Rog didn't tell me it was this bad.” 

 

He almost jerked his arm away from her. “Nothing is bad.” He began to argue but one look from her shut him up.

 

The cold water on his skin made him jerk as Trish ran his wrist underneath the water but she held him still. “You probably haven't even been keep these clean.” She muttered angrily as she peered down closer at the scratches and cuts and he clinched his free hand when he saw her glassy eyed expression. He had done that. Had made her worry unnecessarily.

 

“I didn't-” He began, trying to explain somehow to her, trying to find some place to begin, but it was a hopeless timeline to remember. 

 

She turned the water off after a silent and tense moment and turned towards him. Her expression was carefully as she thought out what to say to him. That made him scowl, that's why he never wanted to talk to anyone, they always saw him as weak and pitiful once he opened up even a little bit to them. 

 

“I couldn't understand why you would ever feel the need to harm yourself.” She began slowly, grabbing his other arm to hold him in place. “My heart, it really aches for you Riggs, for everything that you've been forced to go through in your life that made you think that was necessary.” 

 

He opened his mouth to interrupt her, but what was he going to say to her? I did it to punish myself? Because I'm selfish, because I'd rather put everyone that I see as friends in danger instead of distancing myself to keep them safe? 

 

“I just want you to listen.” She cut in almost fondly when she saw his expression. “I just want you to know that you aren't alone, no matter what you think, or what has happened to you.” She said softly, grabbing his chin to make sure that he was listening to her clearly. “You'll never be completely alone as long as we are here.” She told him firmly and without a doubt, starring him straight in the eye. 

 

His arms shook as he wrapped them around her smaller frame. Her arms snaked around his middle in turn and through the quivering of his bottom lip, he muttered a small “thank you” beside her ear. She had done more for him then she could imagine. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's like 1 in the morning now and this is frankly an unedited mess but I really wanted to post it after finally getting it done.
> 
> So, was that angst enough for you? I'm sure that I could do a whole book on angst involving this guy. I totally want to cry when he told Cahill that he stuck paperclips under his nails. Like it may seem small but that's totally sad to me. 
> 
> Let me know what you all think in the comments and kudos are appreciated as well! If you have any requests let me know, it's what I do. ;)
> 
> And don't forget to watch the show, especially with the recent headlines! I don't want them to cancel the show or recast Clayne either. Try and give it as much support on social media as you can.


End file.
